I carry on, telling myself when to smile as we plug
along in the duties that need to be accomplished to
keep my bantam world in motion. Heart duly steps in
when required, but the sparkle is not there. Instead Its
eyes have a glazed look, staring off in the distance at
something and yet nothing, all at the same time.
Where is It gazing? I don’t know. Why? Don’t really
know that either. I do appreciate that Heart hasn’t abandon me completely. At least It’s
still here participating when called upon. Neither one of us can figure out what to do
about it.
I remember the days when Heart had a spring in Its step, bounding about like a race horse waiting for the gate to open. I wonder if those days really existed or perhaps I’ve fallen into the memory trap. You know, where your memory exaggerates how great everything was… way back when. In the memory trap history is rewritten into grander events and emotions than actually ever occurred. Perhaps some of my memory is off, but I do recall more light-hearted days.
Heart doesn’t seem rebellious. It’s not sneaking off to do hidden forbidden acts. I’m wondering if Heart is just weary… and yet we’ve both faced much more difficult experiences. But let’s just suppose it is weariness. Is that even right? Doesn’t God say come unto me all you who are “weary” and I will give you rest? I’m pretty sure Heart has done that… That could be one area to explore a little deeper.
Then I wonder. Perhaps Heart really does belong on a different path. Then again, I’m not sure that really matters because it appears clear that God has prepared this way for Heart and me to go.
At least Heart is not being beat up! Nothing is trying to attack Heart or stick daggers in it to make it bleed… Unless… I suppose the Enemy could have something to do with Heart’s heavy shoulders. Maybe the Enemy wants Heart to give up. Maybe he knows that just around the bend Heart will experience great joy. The spring in the step will return. Perhaps God placed Heart and me on this path to be a part of building and strengthening His Kingdom. The Enemy would relish nothing more than for Heart to sit on that rock and refuse to move next time I ask.
Actually, I don’t know the answers, but Heart and I can’t give up. We won’t give up. We will keep plugging forward as long as we have breath and a beat. Heart and I are in the midst of well doing… The Bible says not to be weary in well doing for in due season we will reap if we faint not… OK then…I don’t know when and I don’t know how but until then, “Come on Heart, Let’s go!”
