Coffee for the lady in the black coat… Oh, that’s me!

     

           You walk in the coffee shop to grab a pick-me-up for the afternoon.  You know people do it all the time but this is sort of a treat for you.  You drove around the block a couple of times trying to decide if you should take the time to find a spot, get out, stand in line, not to mention the fact that it would take the last bit of cash in your wallet to pay for it!  But you bit the bullet and decided to join the rest of the American craze and pay an arm and a leg for a cup of coffee.

     You enter to the intoxicating smells and the whirling sound of the cappuccino maker glad you allowed yourself a little guilty pleasure, when you noticed him… sitting alone at a little table along the outskirts of the room.  Ah darn.  If you had known he would be here you wouldn’t have stopped. But you’re here now, so you’ll have to let come what may. 

     It’s not because you didn’t want to see him.  It’s because you do!   You adore the dude, but you’re not sure the feeling is mutual. Of course he’ll be polite and acknowledge you.  He may even invite you to join him. You would like nothing more, but you hope you’re not being an imposition.  You wonder if he felt a tinge of dread when he caught you walking in the door. 

     Sure enough he does the gentlemanly thing.  He puts down his paper, takes a sip and moves toward the register pulling out a couple bucks to pay for the lady in the black coat… Oh that’s you!  He joins you in line to make small talk and the next thing you know both of you are sitting at the cozy little table shooting the breeze.  He may be shooting the breeze, but you are relishing his company and feeling warmed just being in his presence…

     You leave with mixed emotions.  He seemed pleasant enough, but is it just because he’s a nice guy and wouldn’t dare be rude.  Or is there any chance that his heart matched yours and skipped a beat when he caught a glimpse of you.  Did seeing you make his day like seeing him made yours?

      If only… 

     To your delight you receive a random call from him a few days later asking if you could break away for a cup of coffee around 2:30.  You check your calendar.

       

      “Sure”, you tell him. “Is something wrong?” 

     “No”, he says. “I just thought we could spend some time together.” 

     You show up around 2:30 and find him already there.  He lights up when he hears the jingle of the door opening to find you standing there scanning the room for him. He knows your choice drink so he’s already ordered it and even added your favorite cookie to the mix. 

     This time you leave with no doubt of his sheer pleasure of being with you.  This time the need for an obligatory gesture of kindness didn’t exist.  The whole idea of spending time with you belonged to him.  He chose to see you.  He rearranged his schedule to see you.  He took a risk of rejection to invite you.  Why? He desired to be with you.  You…just as you are.  You.

     Stay with me here.  Sometimes I feel like this towards God.  I wonder if He’s just being polite to me because He has too.  He’s God after all.  He’s supposed to take care of His children.  I search for Him, but does He ever want to search for me?  I come constantly into His presence and bear my soul.  I wonder…does He feel a tinge of dread when the throne room doors open and there I am again…blabbering on and on before I even enter!

     Maybe I’m not supposed to admit that I wonder that sometimes.  But I’ve already done it so I might as well conclude the story J  The other night these thoughts plagued me.  I want so much of God.  I wonder, but does He want me?  I picked up my Bible out of obedience and duty more than desire.  I couldn’t imagine I’d find much in my reading to help me.  But I was wrong.  I stumbled across a verse that quenched my soul. Apparently David had moments of wonder as well.  Tucking into Palm 119 is a little phrase, “seek thy servant”.

     My heart cried out, “God! Do you want to search for me? I want you to want me!” He gently reminded me of a line in the poem He dropped in my heart a few years ago.  It went like this,

“No matter how early I try to be,

He’s always there first just waiting on me!”

     The answer is Yes!  He does want to search for you.  He does light up when you walk into His presence.  He does enjoy being with you.  Don’t leave Him there at the table with your favorite drink alone… Go!  He’s waiting for you J

IT’S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE…

IT’S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE…

It’s not even a matter of “it’s too much for me…” It’s a matter of  “it’s not even possible for me.”

It’s like expecting a newborn baby to unload the dishwasher or asking your dog to drive to the grocery store and order a birthday cake for Aunt Sally.  It’s just not possible.  That is the task I’ve been assigned to… Well not exactly.  I’ve only been assigned to participate in the task.  Hence, the “it’s not even possible.” 

     See, at the end of the day – the possible part all belongs to God. I can teach – or attempt to teach- a GED class to adults in hopes of coming along side them to give them a hand. I can commit my Wednesday mornings to loving them and getting to know them… the real them.  I can pray for them and hope they’ll stay for Bible study after class. I can laugh and sing with them. I can arrange for people to bring a dessert and plan a lesson from the little red Book; the Book that holds the Truth that sets us free.  I can worry when I hear of another shooting in their complex, hoping that one of my students won’t be laying in a grave instead of sitting in my class the next week. I can help a burdened mother craft an email to someone she hopes will help her son. I can wear a smile and give a hug and genuinely care.  I can do that.

     But I can’t change their heart or satisfy their deepest longings.  I can’t heal them from the inside.  I can’t break their strongholds or give them abundant life. I can’t give them the peace that passeth all understanding. I can’t supply all their needs.  I can’t… be their Savior. 

I can’t do that, but then again, I’m not supposed to. That’s God’s deal.  So I have to focus on the things I can do and pray like the dickens for God to do what only He can do.

     He can move mountains, yes.  Don’t we all love it when He moves them instantly!  Sometime, however, He chooses to do it one stone at a time…like now. I pray for strength and tenacity.  I pray for a glimpse of heaven’s vision for this place. I pray for supply to meet the demand.  I pray for soft fertile soil and bountiful seed to scatter.  I pray for the miracle of Eureka GardensJ  

     Will join me in praying for the thousands in Jacksonville who cannot read their Bibles well enough to comprehend the truths written to them. Will you pray for every stronghold to be broken? Will you pray for Godly men and women, boys and girls to be raised up in this place and the myriad of others just like it?  Will you pray for the miracle of Eureka?

What to do with a sidelined Heart...

Life would dandy… if it weren’t for the fact that my Heart is sitting on the sideline.  There It is:  Bright red with stick arms and Its little pink tennis shoes sitting on a rock; arms wrapping Its scrawny knees towards Its chest and resting Its chin (do Hearts have chins?) on Its palm.

I carry on, telling myself when to smile as we plug

along in the duties that need to be accomplished to 

keep my bantam world in motion.  Heart duly steps in 

when required, but the sparkle is not there.  Instead Its 

eyes have a glazed look, staring off in the distance at 

something and yet nothing, all at the same time.  

Where is It gazing? I don’t know.  Why?  Don’t really 

know that either. I do appreciate that Heart hasn’t abandon me completely.  At least It’s 

still here participating when called upon.  Neither one of us can figure out what to do 

about it.

I remember the days when Heart had a spring in Its step, bounding about like a race horse waiting for the gate to open.  I wonder if those days really existed or perhaps I’ve fallen into the memory trap.  You know, where your memory exaggerates how great everything was… way back when.  In the memory trap history is rewritten into grander events and emotions than actually ever occurred.  Perhaps some of my memory is off, but I do recall more light-hearted days.

Heart doesn’t seem rebellious.  It’s not sneaking off to do hidden forbidden acts.  I’m wondering if Heart is just weary… and yet we’ve both faced much more difficult experiences.  But let’s just suppose it is weariness.  Is that even right?  Doesn’t God say come unto me all you who are “weary” and I will give you rest?  I’m pretty sure Heart has done that… That could be one area to explore a little deeper.

Then I wonder. Perhaps Heart really does belong on a different path.  Then again, I’m not sure that really matters because it appears clear that God has prepared this way for Heart and me to go. 

At least Heart is not being beat up!  Nothing is trying to attack Heart or stick daggers in it to make it bleed… Unless… I suppose the Enemy could have something to do with Heart’s heavy shoulders.  Maybe the Enemy wants Heart to give up.  Maybe he knows that just around the bend Heart will experience great joy. The spring in the step will return. Perhaps God placed Heart and me on this path to be a part of building and strengthening His Kingdom.  The Enemy would relish nothing more than for Heart to sit on that rock and refuse to move next time I ask.

Actually, I don’t know the answers, but Heart and I can’t give up.  We won’t give up.  We will keep plugging forward as long as we have breath and a beat.  Heart and I are in the midst of well doing… The Bible says not to be weary in well doing for in due season we will reap if we faint not… OK then…I don’t know when and I don’t know how but until then, “Come on Heart, Let’s go!”